Experimental Failures

There is light, but for now it is
seen through broken glass

"There are no failures, just experiments that didn't work."

Part of this last Sunday's teaching was about the power of influence and how we can affect other people's lives through how we lead our own, specifically how we talk about our faith in God. 

This last year has been one of the most challenging I've had so far.  There are many areas that I see myself as a failure...a wife, a friend, I've let family down by having an obligation to my business, and even my business because I have had trouble balancing priorities. 

Maybe these things were not experiments, per se, or even failures in the true sense of the word...but they are hard learned life lessons for sure.

I've been agonizing over a decision, praying about it, seeking other's advice, and weighing the pros and cons.  It has been interesting to see other people's reaction and to listen to their opinions.  I've heard a lot of "why would you want to do that?" or "I wouldn't tell people why" or "I wouldn't write a blog about it" or my favorite "God has a plan for you."

What people don't realize is that God's plan for me has included a lot of pain.  While it may be true and I believe God has a plan for me, those words are not comforting in the midst of a storm.  You can't see a rainbow while it is raining.

So back to this decision...I've decided to stop taking clients.

Ok, ok, so you might be saying to yourself right now..."wait, what?!?!"   That's ok.   And when I say stop taking clients, I'm going to finish that by saying "for now" and end that with "I don't know for how long."

I've been building my business and building my business and putting every bit of me into it, my heart and soul.  Well, my heart and soul are broken right now.  I know there are worse things than going through a divorce *gasp* she said it aloud.  But I also feel that I'm not being true to my clients if I'm not all in 100%, so I'm going to take a break and work on that.

I said to myself..."self, what is the risk?"  What am I risking by telling my clients that I'm having a hard time right now because life happened to me.  Not good life like I usually celebrate in photographs, but bad life, ugly, painful, heartbreaking life happened...to me.  You know what?  It sucks.  What am I risking?  My business?  I truly believe that IF God has a plan for me, and that does include photography, my path will lead right back to it...no doubt.  In my opinion, it is a bigger risk to provide full disclosure, to be vulnerable, to admit defeat.  If you don't want to hire me as your photographer in the future because I am telling you the truth about what I am going through, than I'm probably not the right person for you to work with anyway.  If I have to start over, that's what I'm going to do.  I'm ok with that.  In the meantime, I'm going to be doing a little soul searching, a little charity work, and reinvesting in myself.

Find beauty in everyday things. 

If there is anything that I have learned because of this is that I am a reflection of my photographs and my photography is a reflection of me.

I hope you are willing to join me on my journey. I have faith that God will reveal his plan to me, he's just working on the logistics at the moment.

Thank you for all of your wonderful love and support.

Many Blessings and Happy Clicking!
<3 Kristina

”It's okay to be broken...God will use your weakness to become your strength." – Dad (Jasmine Star)